Fatigue

This week has been kind of a busy week for me, with lots of things to do in camp, lots of reading up to do with my course, and also, learning how to interact with people.

Camp - This week has been rather hectic, learning how to do some important documents that my upper study didn't really teach (since he didn't know how to do it also), coming into the fire of my officer and my other superiors (for things that I have owed them as well as for things they need my help to process for the upcoming exercise). I can't say my life has been pretty easy since I'm juggling camp and studies (actually not supposed to, but...) at the same time, but the only thing that makes army life a little more enjoyable is the company of the other NS guys around.

Recently I have been feeling a little ostracised from the rest of the NS guys; its as though I have become a seperate entity from the department, the cohesion doesn't seem to be present between all of us when we gather for meetings. I've been the target of their teasing (not that I've never been teased before in my whole life) for a very long time because of my back condition. In a way, if they mention about my back condition once in a while as an act of concern, I'd still be touched and so on. However, they had to mention about my back condition almost everyday, and in a way, I really feel very offended by their consistent teasing.

I still keep my anger in check though, even though I'm always the target of their merciless insults - no point to flare up at them (changes nothing), no point to talk it out with them (since I'm already the "out group") and lastly, no point to make the remainder of my NS life miserable by clashing with them. =)

School - I haven't really been in touch with my classmates (for the tutorial class) and I am sure not the type who interacts a lot with other people (since being a loner is my nature). Sure, there are people from many walks of life and each of them has a different life story to tell, but the thing is, I'm weary from interpersonal relationships as of now.

Lessons in the lecture class as well as the tutorial class for both my modules has been quite ok (partially because I have already read through the text before attending the lecture) but I have been sleeping during the lessons (due to the day time fatigue in camp, and also the late nights that I have been having for these few days).

Certainly, the lecturers have got to think of ways to make the lessons interesting and for the two of them, I really hand it to them because of their effort in making the lesson entertaining. I can't say the same for the tutorial classes though, because it has become mini lectures prior to the actual tutorial lessons and most of the time spent on discussion and so on has reduced.

Overall, I still think I can handle the workload of school at the moment, but as the assignments come piling up (with the deadlines and so on), I will feel even more lethargic (and most probably won't even have time to relax)

Life - My life has always been a roller-coaster ride, ever going through ups and downs within a short period of time. Recently, I had though I found "the one" but unfortunately, things didn't really quite work out, so we decided to stay as friends only. =)

Perhaps relationships are really that complex until it becomes almost too difficult to interact properly. Things always seems to be "ideal" until we start to confront the problems (reality) that seems to be invisible and embedded (ignored and hidden) in the relationship. Perhaps that's the "Honeymoon Period" that people always say, but I can't say for sure I have really entered that period yet.

I do treasure the people around me, though I never seem to show my care and concern out front. Friends out there, its not that I am a bad friend or what, but I really don't have a habit of contacting you. However, if you need my help in anyway, I'll do my best to help you in with any problems (with the exception of money matters since army only gives me $3.50 per month).

And I do feel that my "curse" in my love life is ever going on strong. I wonder when will I finally be able to experience "true love". I have decided to follow through this phrase - "Not to love anyone until I am loved first". Not that I'm selfish, but everytime I put in 100% into a relationship, I always end up getting hurt with the relationship somehow backfiring on me, leaving me alone and so on. Also, it could prevent the "curse" from continuing, since the curse only activates when I am the one who initiates.

Love, is a mysterious thing.
Without it, Man has no goals.
Without it, Woman has no Security.
Without it, The world will be extinct soon.