Fatigue. That's what is happening to me. Recently, losing sleep because i'm rushing for things. Firstly, the book that i was reading, Musashi, is finally read to the last page. From the story i felt the strength in his character and the characters of the ppl in the world of that time. it doesn't end there, the characters of the ppl who hated Musashi still lives on, no not the real ppl, or rather, the kind of selfishness, the kind of arrogance, and so on. anything bad u can think of, it's still ard, but character such as Musashi, is rare, and hard to find.

Learning. the path of learning things is alwiz open, it's alwiz there, and the path never ends. i've learnt, in the recent weeks, abt ppl to ppl communication, abt the kind of thoughts ppl has, and my thoughts. i think things thru, but find it hard to apply to reality. all this while, i have thought that i've sinned, and i will refrain myself from committing a sin again, that's y i refrain from getting close to any lady i fancy, because i might end up committing a sin again. yet, after looking at what the world is now, this "sin" is no longer considered "sin". it could be that my way of thinking is already old, it could be that i'm just giving myself excuses, not to fall in love, but... i seriously can't fathom exactly what to make of my emotional/mental struggle. it leads me nowhere.

running. running away has alwiz been the first thing ppl thinks of, when facing a problem that can't be solved at the moment. some ppl run away for life, some never ran away at all. i'd like to take it the moderate way, that running can be useful, and not. some things in life can't really be perfect (if u asked me, i'd say there's no such thing as perfection, one of the things i've learnt recently too), and when faced against a problem which u can't solve no matter how much effort u put in, there's seriously nothing to do but to "run away" from the matter at hand first. let the matter somehow die down, and perhaps in a way that the problem no longer seems like a problem. that, then is the time to face the problem again. it's one of the things i've learnt abt Musashi (full name == Miyamoto Musashi). he faces challenges, problems head on, but when he knows that going head on will endanger him, he will leave, and come back later again, when he knows how to face the problem. but ppl who didn't know abt him and his knowledge, scrutinized him, called him names, and spread malicious rumours abt his character. come to think of it, in the real world, ppl are STILL the same. being so selfish, so inconsiderate, so.. so...... i just can't find a way to explain it.

though there are many things i'd like to tell you,
there are however restrictions to what i can say.
having hurt your feelings once i regret,
yet i couldn't mend the hurt at all.
if you still read what i put here,
i can only say sorry, and forget abt me.
for as long as i am still in ur heart,
we can never be friends again.