Tired. That's what I feel now. Tired from all the late nights chasing the matches of the Euro 2004. Tired from holding firm to my decision of not finding a gf. Tired for many things, yet there's nothing much I could do, even if I wanted to.

How long has it been since I last had a crush? Perhaps it's just a week back. Yet I can't help but wonder about how long I last made a move on any of my crushes. The most recent one was early in this year. What is a crush...? A feeling of fondness for someone?

I'm not sure anymore, my feelings do not seem real, it doesn't lead me to what I think I might find anymore. As real as the situations present to me, I feel at a loss when emotions are somehow needed, feel very out of place when my feelings are not needed, or when it confuses me.

I'm holding back, I'm staying away, I'm adding more to my psychological burden. I'm not sure if I am able to hold back any longer, I need someone in my life now. I don't know how to approach ladies anymore, I don't think I know the way to a woman's heart now. Even if I like someone sometime soon, I'm not even sure if I could even make the move at all.

All who read my blog should know this, I'm holding back some of my most inner thoughts too, some which are dark, some which are personal. These are the things I hold back, I add on to the burden which is already very heavy. No mood for any quotes or any "poems", I'll try the next time if I'm feeling better.