Back from a very long long break from not posting anything. School has commenced and so far, I'm still enjoying the start of my new life, which isn't very new either. My time-table is pretty well spread out, and that's it, too spread out.

I was supposed to go to a lesson early today, but I've been down with my usual sickness, too much phlegm. I had to live with sore throat + blocked nose and for the past few days, red eyes. It's just the first week, and I'm plagued by such ailments, what luck rite?

I don't know what to feel now, my feelings are unreal, I like some of my female friends, yet I can't measure how different is it from liking someone such that a relationship might blossom. Deluded from what I used to be, I suppose the life of being attached doesn't really apply to me. To spend a part of my life with someone special by my side, it is a good thing of course, yet.... I don't even remember the basics of courtship, I have become a shadow of my former self, too reserved for any lady's liking.

Ladies like to be pampered, like a guy who can humour them, shower them with attention, someone who can give in to them, treat them like a princess. Yeah, you might think that "since you know all these, why not act accordingly?" It's not as simple as that. Having read a newspaper article about how someone percieves another, I think the impression that I have left in all my female friends, is percieved as negative. Thus, I think I end up being in the "not applicable" list of their list of guys eligible as a boyfriend.

Still not in the mood for any quotes or poems, but a song might explain my feelings now.

Crucify My Love - X Japan

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
" That love should see a color "
Crucify my love
If it should be that way
Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say good-bye
Tried to learn tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

Like a river flowing to the sea
You'll be miles away and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
" That love should see a color "
Crucify my love
If it should be that way

'Til the loneliness shadows the sky
I'll be sailing down and I will know
I know I can clear clouds away
Oh is it a crime to love

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say good-bye
Tried to learn tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
" That love should see a color "
Crucify my love
If it should be that way