Parties always have an end

Been hanging out with Poon, Kris, Benjamin, Kenneth, Hendry, Alan for the past few weeks. Many times just spending time together, crapping or having fun at the arcade. Been spending much on enjoyment and entertainment with them and have been reprimanded for doing so. In fact, in a short span of a week, I have spent what I usually spend in a month.

I have decided to stop hanging out with them that much already, time to save up on the funds as my brother's not working at the moment. My mom and dad are still working, but that alone is not enough for the household expenses. I have been wanting to look for a job since last month, but delayed looking for a job until now.

Like all parties, there must be an ending to it. Lives must carry on, work must be done, and so on. It's not like the work I am looking for will be suitable for me (based on my back condition), or that the possibility of me finding a job will high (cause of the no. of "available jobs" in market). I'm currently looking for some jobs that would be near my house area (anywhere western would be fine) so if any of you have any "lobang", please give me a ring or leave a message at the tagboard.

Understanding? or being a fool?

I don't know what is the meaning of being understanding anymore. To me, being understanding sometimes can lead to being a fool, to be taken granted for. Being understanding is to be considerate and back away whenever the situation doesn't require my presence. Being understanding is to be there when needed, and be invisible whenever there is no more use for me.

Is this what most people want in the world? An "Understanding" (a fool) person to be their life partner if not "steady"? Already I am considered as "heartless" (my nick in MSN - Heartless One), but I still have some "loyalty", "understanding", and "concern". Not having any understanding would make me more of a heartless person but I suppose if the world would not have me as a proper living being (as in tolerance), I would just fade deeper and deeper into becoming a monster.

At the moment I still can bring people out of the darkness (I hate overcrowding, so leave my darkness to myself), but not for long. Very soon I might just sink and be the one who draws people into the darkness, for being in the dark can be a very lonely thing.

Darkness
O what a wondrous thing!
Darkness
A place where dreams can come to life
Darkness
Surround me with you coldness
Darkness
Let me be one with you forever