Tarot. Revisited.

Recently, I have found out that one of my card gaming buddies can more or less sense other bodies and energies that is beyond the human realm, and that he has a level that is somewhat higher than mine. That good friend is Poon (that's what we all call him), and for some weird reasons, he made me kind of interested in tarot again (sad to say, I have stopped tarot reading for a while already).

Some other reasons include another friend of mine who seems to be in trouble recently, needed some help of some sort and I offered (as usual) to give some readings. Just a moment back, they were at my place for some tarot reading and for the first time, the energy level was very highly concentrated in my room.

According to Poon, the pouch that was carrying my Aleister Crowley deck (the one which bears a dragon on the outside) had a living entity (the dragon, of course) protecting my deck, and was quite fierce. The situation in my room was quite tensed as the energy level was raised to a level I have never experienced and for the first time, my reading accuracy was amazing.

To be or not to be? That is the question...

To be a gentleman or not? To be a cad or not? To be a lazy bum or not? So many questions that I have to ask myself, so many questions to answer. Yet, how am I supposed to answer the questions that has been given to myself?

Is my heart ready or is it not? Is my life stablised or is it not? All these make my head ache and makes me confused. I do not know how to answer them nor how to handle the stress that comes with each question.

Knowing me, I'd be lazy to answer any questions as well as asking them, but this habit of finding troublesome things for myself is always present. I consider myself both a gentleman as well as a jerk, a lazy bum most of the time and an extremely hardworking freak when I start to get serious. A passionate lover yet a heartless cad at the same time.

I think I might be ready to start a new relationship, but the same fears somehow keeps me at bay.

Shining brightly some distance away,
the land of hope beckons me.
The holy Eden calls upon the chosen,
leading them to salvation.
Shangrila it seems to be,
yet hard to obtain.
Trying so hard to seek the legend,
to find my soul exhausted before the find.

Whence can my bones lay in peace?