Timeless

Now after starting my course at SIM then I found out how hard it is to cope with the demands of studying part-time after work. Many people may have already done so, but for me it is a very tedious affair. For one, I was always a lazy student since secondary school and homework was more of a chore than anything else for me. Also, the demands of my "working" life now is starting to put a toll on me (having to take so many responsibilities in my department is simply too much for any one person to handle).

I'm trying hard to plan my life around work, studies and personal life and just after one week of the "plan" I realised I have to really draw up a time-table to really spread my time evenly. Most of my time would be burnt because I'm in camp (plus the travelling around part of course). So I have to make the most out of my evenings (when I don't have lessons) and my weekends.

My rough plan would involve studying almost every night (hard to achieve since by the time I get back home, I'd be too tired from all the mental torture at work) and maybe relax a little during the weekends. Exercise is one of my weekend things-to-do and since I can't do most, I opted to swim every weekend (or try to).

Blurness, The Best Weapon In Army

It seems like being blur about many things in camp can save most of your skin. I have a fellow colleague who happens to be able to show the most "innocent" of all blurness and almost entirely shirk his responsibilities when it is tasked to him. I end up taking up his work since he can't do his work properly.

He can say that he's not getting enough chance at working because I didn't give him his job, but he has responsibilities that's already given to him by our upper-study. I am already a little over-loaded with my daily work and sometimes I can't even get a chance to use the computer (a must have for paperwork guys), yet he doesn't seem to understand that fact and procrastinates his work until I have to clear up his mess for him.

When jobs are entrusted to him, he will start to ask questions like, "Why do I have to do it?" or "Are you sure I'm supposed to be doing it?". That's full of crap if you'd ask me. In the army, just do what you are told, and you will get your rewards, or so to speak. I don't question my jobs, because from what I see, any job entrusted to me is something that will be beneficial to the department one way or another. It may be beyond my job scope but once I'm able to find time to do it, I'll just make sure that it is done promptly so as not to have my superiors breathing down my neck the next time I am caught up with some work (happened too many times, that's why I just do things ASAP).

With the mental stress in camp, its no wonder I tend to become mentally tired after work. I hope nothing goes wrong for my studies as I don't want to let my family down, also for that someone too. =)

Sidetracking

This message, most probably would cause some problems but I'll just say it anyways.

There are times where by things go wrong, and you can try all you want to revert the situation. Yet no matter how hard you try, somehow things can never be the same anymore.
When there are unresolved matters that leads to such situations, the best is clarify the doubts at hand because the reluctance to face the truth will tend to cause lots of problems.

I've personally gone through such situations, it is irreversible and as much as I'd want to, I can't go back to the past.
Regrets I do have, but I can only wish her well in her endeavours.
I know about the truths that makes me want to stay away from her, not because I am a heartless person but because I know getting close to her will cause her more suffering.

I do know that you read my blog often, hoping to find out about what I have been doing. I have not updated for a while because of you. If you think that what I do is somehow related to someone, that's just your own opinion. Do not take it out on that someone for whatever things you gather in my blog as that's not fair to someone. The short paragraphs above is meant to let you know that being selfish is not the thing to do in a relationship.

A relationship is never about possessing. A relationship is about self-sacrifice, trust and freedom. If you can't sacrifice yourself and expect someone to, you are selfish. If you can't trust someone then you can't expect the same kind of trust from someone when you already have a partner with you. Lastly, if you can't give freedom to someone and expect yourself to have the privillage to have freedom to do what you want, you are a control freak that is worse off than a jerk.

P.S: I know I'm drawing flak for this post but sometimes, holding back too much in my emotional bank can prove to be more of a burden than help. Besides, this blog is for me to post my inner feelings, not posting for months somehow is making me have PMS syndrome. XD

P.S.S: I know I've delayed in my pictures but I really have not enough time to edit and upload it somewhere. Once I get to have a short break somewhere soon (when I'm not so busy) I'll post some relavant pictures regarding my Langkawi Trip and maybe other pictures that I have taken so far.