Done with the supplementary paper. I do hope i can clear my supp paper, or else, it's another 1/2 yr of delay, which i seriously do not want.

recently kinda hard up wif cash, it's june, and it's only the 2nd week. and i'm already broke. x.x the tarot cards were the major killer, but the rest was more or less spent on going out.... so if i were to decide to go out, i would choose to eat at home already. no more spending money outside.

it's amazing, my frens ard me are all facing r/s probs, and i'm down here, trying to give a guiding hand if i can. but in a way, u can say i envy them, for they can still taste the sourness, sweetness, bitterness, spiciness (xuan tian ku la) of being in a r/s. for me, my previous r/s was more or less a full one, all flavours tasted, but.. in the end, i only remembered the bitterness.

now my life is rather bitter, i dun wish to find someone to share my bitterness, yet at the same time, i would like to experience sweetness again. mixed feelings here, but... i dun think it's possible. frens ard me keep suggesting that i lose weight, yeah, i'm a far cry from what i used to look like in my sec. sch days, but... the reason y i wan to be the way i am now, is because i dun wan to ruin another person's life. the way my bitterness is now, it will juz make someone who might be infatuated wif me suffer.

i alwiz believe that feelings go beyond the physical outlook, yet when i snap back into reality, it's often that looks still matter alot. yes, Mr. D, i know i look great when i was alot thinner, i know i have the potential to wow gers and i have the potential to pick gers up anyway i like... but... i'm reluctant. both afraid and not willing to get myself into any form of r/s that blossomed out from looks. it never lasts.

exercising is one thing i miss, but it is also something i dread now, ever since knowing my slipped disc condition. i can choose to slim down, at the expense of me aggreviating my back injury, or i can just stay the way i am, happy, but at least not suffering any more of late.

if there's only one thing i'd do right now, i'd choose to do nothing. for right now, the plans are not put out yet, i have no heart for any one, my feelings are as cold as the icicle on the edge of the mountain's cliff. and there will be no one, who can make me warm, for looks are what those can make me warm want.

For what I have done, nothing matters.
What greatness is ignored, left torn and tattered.
Left only to admire a face, beyond the mirror's reflection.
Yet all these are nothing but fruitless reactions.
Where did the true feeling hide, within the hollow soul?
Is it behind the pride, from which there's no whole?
Nothing matters anymore, from this time on.
Frozen in the depths, my feelings stay for long.