Rollercoaster Rides

Ever missed the feeling of the rushing adrenaline when going downwards in a rollercoaster? Life, has ups and downs, but the feeling of going down is the one all of us tend to remember more of. Why is that so? Perhaps the most fundamental reason for that, is because after going down, we know that there is always an uphil ride, ready to take us down again.

No one has ever stayed down in the rollercoaster ride before, because nobody's life is always stranded at any particular level. Rich or poor, young or old, everyone has got his/her own rollercoaster ride to 'enjoy'.

For me, my life is practically stable, the only rollercoaster rides I tend to experience are that of emotions. Its and irony that unlike most people, my 'down' times are more than my 'up' times. The emotional rollercoaster that I ride on, never stays up long enough for me to really catch on, and experience the full downward force. Perhaps this is why I don't understand the emotions that I am supposed to experience, and I don't understand why it happens...

Movies, Popcorn and Soda

Like most people, I believe life is often portrayed as an on-going movie. I also believe that movies are usually based on real life experiences (even though it is dramatised). A movie lasts for about two hours average, and we can experience things we thought had lasted for a lifetime.

Watching other people's lives is as fun as watching a movie, we tend to take popcorn and soda along to keep ourselves entertained. If there was a choice for movie-goers to interact with the movie, would they give up the popcorn and soda to change things? More often than not, they would just sit by and enjoy the show as it is.

It's not because they do not want to get involved in anything, more likely its because they do not know where to begin, how to react to change things (if needed) and the most obvious reason is that they do not understand the characters in the show well enough, to make any judgements, to try to make things better, or worse.

Some people tend to be braver than others, but being so, they are blind to the threats that surround the actual problem. They would be termed as troublemakers and would be brushed away easily by the main cast of the "show". I for one, belong to the braver group. Which is why I am misunderstood most of the time. In terms of friendship, I take it seriously, and when my friends are in need, I will try my best to offer any form of help. This however, became my downfall.

My previous clique in a forum and I had enjoyed many good times as well as bad times together, but because of the things I do, I have become outcasted from the original 'family' of close friends. And all I ever did (without caring for the consequences) was helping friends by standing up to the people who did anything wrong to them in the first place.

Recitals and Concerts

What is the difference between a recital and a concert? I do not know the answer myself as both seem the same, yet feels different. To my knowledge, a recital is more for musical instruments, namely piano, and a concert could range from musical to the type where you have singers inside.

My life has always been a recital, there are none to join me to make my life seem different, more interesting. Perhaps if there are, it could only be the closest amongst me, like my group of close brothers. Each of them has a personality that could complement well with me, no matter how we felt at any point in time. We could make the most harmonious of music when we are together, this is something none of my other friends could ever do.

What about concerts? I feel myself being on a stage whenever I am in the limelight for the wrong reasons. Falling in love is similar to being on stage in a concert, everyone's eyes are on you, expecting you to perform well, to speculate what will be your next action be. Such scrutiny I did not need, and hope will not happen again.

Other times when I felt I was on stage, is when I am at a KTV singing songs that I know by heart. Things that you are comfortable with, you do it with style, otherwise, it's just a major foulup.

Mind-reading, anyone?

Understanding anyone is hard, a lot of time and effort is needed to know their past, their present, and their hopes for the future. Understanding someone isn't restricted to the time spend knowing someone. You can know a person, but may never understand him/her for eternity. Perhaps for me, I finally understand something from all the rollercoaster rides I've been experiencing. I need to understand people more.

And in a relationship, understanding is very important. Prior to and during the courtship years, it's a struggle to understand each other, and in turn, from that understanding, more feelings develope for each other. I see now why I am always so alone, I watched my own movies, having popcorn and soda along with it, I look back and see the things that I have done, so foolish, so pointless.

There will be times when I will no longer be just a recital, and more like a ensemble, where I can finally enjoy my life to the fullest. There will be times where I can finally stand on the stage, and be brave enough to fulfill their expectations as well as my own. Until then, it is another process of growing up, falling down, and getting up.

Misunderstood - John Secada

I've been living life without a reason
I've been living love without the time
You've lost touch with what I'm feeling
I got way too tired to read between the lines.

I've been misunderstood
I've been mistreated
Somehow I knew you would not
Take back what you said
I've been misunderstood but
Your wish in granted
By daylight I'll be gone
By daylight I'll be gone.

Are you asking me if there's a reason
To continue what I thought was doing fine
So so fine
Contentment lacks mutual pleasing
Is much different than both being satisfied.
I've been misunderstood
I've been mistreated
Somehow I knew you would not
Take back what you said
I've been misunderstood but
Your wish in granted
By daylight I'll be gone
By daylight I'll be gone.

Never thought I would consider
Loving someone new
Cause in my plans for happiness
I only thought of you.

I've been misunderstood
I've been mistreated
Somehow I knew you would not
Take back what you said
I've been misunderstood but
Your wish in granted
By daylight I'll be gone
By daylight I'll be gone.