Hmm, it has been a while since I have last posted anything constructive in this blog, not that it was ever meaningful to begin with....

I guess during the exam period, many people tend to be stressed up with the passing and so on, but I suppose I'm one of the rare ones who isn't really worried at all about my academic grades. Sure, my childhood dream occupation was to be a psychologist (don't laugh, it's true), but with the route I have chosen from the time I started my polytechnic days, my dream is becoming nothing more than it originally was meant to be.

I for one, am a firm believer. Of what, you may ask? Of almost everything. I may declare that I'm a free-thinker that accepts any religion, but I have never immersed myself into other religions before, hence it contradicts me. I believe in the mystics, of fortune telling and such. However, I do not really trust fate, as fate never is definite. And of many more, in which I will contradict myself further.

Humility

Recently, I have started to have a liking for an expensive hobby, trading card games. The game that I have more or less "invested" in, is the widely popular Yu-Gi-Oh Trading card game. Though I'm a little late to start the game, I faced little problem with it because of humility.

Learning from the people in the shop in which a variety of people gather to play, I have learnt that trust can happen with complete strangers. Friendships can be formed almost instantly when humility is practiced by the stranger. The most important part is, the help that one can get when he/she is not an arrogant person.

True, I may have spent quite a lot of my allowance on this game, but at least I know some of them who have helped me construct my deck, are not the kind who will be out to cheat people. Even the shop uncle is trustworthy enough, and helpful.

Colourless World

For a period of time before I joined their ranks in playing Yu-Gi-Oh, I was actually very blind to the world. I ignored the things that happened around me. I became "heartless" and failed to show a single bit of love to anyone. My world seemed to be void of sunlight, of the prism filled world that I am actually living in.

Come to think of it, prior to playing the game, I gained the interest in playing because of my friend and my little cousin. My original idea was to play with my cousin, as he was a direct mirror of me - he looks exactly like me when I was in primary school, and he excels in academic work. Also, he has a liking for music and has actually got lessons in piano. The thing that mirrors the most is the loneliness. I felt his loneliness and just felt that I should try to do something to accompany him whenever he is at my house or when we go out during the fortnightly family gathering.

Perhaps it was then, my world started to have faint colours. It was as though my heart was coming back to me, slowly and gently. My heart now has started to develop feelings, though not strong, but is enough to make me feel human and enough to let me see a little bit of colour in my world.

Paint me something special

With the help from my cousin and from the new group of acquaintances I have known at the shop, I feel like I am a person reborn. Just like a child that has just come to terms with his world, I am trying to accept the real world and trying to merge it with my world. The myriad of colours somehow has painted something in me.

This special thing will be inside me and will make my once "heartless" heart be renewed, and perhaps the demons that I have kept in my heart will all pass on. I really hope to come out of the trauma of my past, and live a life that will be filled with no more regrets.