Little Lamb That Got Lost

What happens when one starts to lose hope in life? He will start to stray from the path of the living and be part of what is called the lifeless. Just like how people tend to stray away from their main focus in life, away from what some call God, these people are just like lambs. I am one such lamb.

Life has been a rollercoaster for the past month (counting from today); been in and out of the influenza's grasp; been fretting about not getting a job, then to my surprise, I actually have an attachment to a company (at kaki bukit x.X); getting some feng shui changes to my brother's room and my room.

Just like a little lamb that got lost, I have been so unsure of things that happens around me. Mind going blank the moment anything happens (partially due to the fact that I am having a very bad headache for the past few days). In a way, I was really "blur" (confused) about my life, myself, and what I was supposed to do. There was no focus, I didn't seek for anyone's guidance and I just stood there..... alone....

Right Choices?

Mentioned in my previous post about my new hobby, but after some thought, I wonder if my money is well spent. Sure, the game is fun (I find it easier than magic), the people are nice (but when it comes to money...?) but when the total amount of money spent for the cards are calculated, the pain comes.

No matter what kind of hobby is taken up, there is always a price to pay. Handicraft is expensive and takes up a lot of time. Having pets is expensive and is more time consuming (there's also the after effects when your pet dies). Taking up toy modelling, construction, collection, is a very expensive hobby. Playing trading card games, is too. Yet when you weigh it down, the pros and cons are very obvious - you get something in life that can push you on to fulfil the requirements need to make the hobby last. For some, you gain friends along the way too.

However, I still question myself about the decision to take up the hobby. Firstly, I do not have that much cash to feed the ever expensive hobby. Secondly, I am still currently pursuing academic grades, can't over do the gaming thing. Thirdly, I'll be heading to the army right after poly, and may not have time to play the cards anymore. There are so many things to think about, even though it is just a simple card game thingy.....

That aside, there is still a knot in my heart. I still can't get over the fact that I have made the wrong decisions in my love life, and that the decisions that I have made, have hurt the ladies so badly. Recently, one of the ladies that I have hurt, let me see her blog. Inside of it, are her memories of her when I was much closer to her and memories of the time when I hurt her so badly. I regret that, but I can't do anything about it. To be fair, I'll say about my feelings regarding the whole incident in this short phrase.

Though I gave you the hope of love,
My intentions were far from it.
I could be someone true to you,
Yet my desires made me take you for granted.
Understanding my weakness made me leave,
For I do not wish to hurt you deeper than I would have.
This words I hold true,
For it has always been in my heart.