Caged

Soaring through life without worries and cares,
fills my life with vigor and zest.
Yet caged I am in reality and in flesh,
unable to gain freedom that I long for.

Though I can glide freely through the skies,
my feet are bound by chains.
Those who gave life to me tie me near,
fearing that I will never be able to fly.

My life is pretty simple. I tend to prefer freedom more than anything else, and will resent if people take that right from me. My parents tend to worry too much about me, always worrying about the things that I do. Yet they do not know that I have never really done anything else bad besides being lazy. I resent reporting to anyone about my whereabouts and never likes it when I am asked about who I am with. I am already old enough to take care of myself and to be responsible for the things that I do, but they do not let me handle things that come my way, always stopping me from things that are actually very normal everywhere else.

Though flying with a clipped wing,
I fly far and fast.
Disabilities never brought me down,
but made me stronger each time.

Eyes I have but always shielded,
by the ones who gave me life.
Lessons of life will never be learnt,
if nothing ever happens.

I don't blame them for restricting my life, because they already gave me enough breathing space. I do however dislike it whenever they hang on to the mentality that I can't think in a mature way, also whenever they think that I will get into trouble in the same way like I did in the past.

Don't be mistaken. I've never committed crimes, never picked up any bad habits (gambling, smoking, drinking, etc.), never been too disrespectful to my parents (hitting them, scolding them in their face, but I do not talk in a very friendly tone either), so on so forth. Whatever happened to me was because of my inability to choose friends when I was in secondary school. I was badly bashed up by some "pai kia" (bad guy (literal translation)) when I was out staying up through the night with my "friends". The best thing is, I never did anything to irritate the bad guys, but I was the one that got the full damage.

Perhaps because of such a thing, my mother always worries when I stay out till too late. For which, I find it pointless.

Fear that leads to Hatred

Fear of women has led me to hate them and perhaps be angry whenever I see a woman now. This leads me to be very cold to any female friend and more importantly, makes me shun any woman that gets close to me. Perhaps you can say that the knot in my heart hasn't been removed, or maybe I take things too hard, but I still think Singaporean girls/women CMI (can't make it / cannot make it).

Newspaper articles has been discussing about the same things that I have said already (I wonder if they took my idea first =P ). About how women are too overbearing/over-demanding and so on.

Its not like I really want to hate them, but the thing is, I can't love them anymore. I can't think about love when I see a woman/girl that looks acceptable, only lust (being candid will draw fire, but I don't really care anyways). My heart can't really love anymore (tied up perhaps) and can't really hate (I don't really hate girls/women, but there's no way to describe the way I hate them, so I'll just use hate), and so we have it, I am a person that can't love nor hate.

Being a heartless one (but still having conscience) is hard on me, for I don't know how to react appropriately anymore. If there is someone out there that will ever like me, that person will be hurt badly. Basically because I don't know how to love her back, from the way that she may love me. Yet I really need to feel the certain warmth of being in one relationship, or perhaps the feeling of someone close, there whenever I need her. Maybe, just maybe, that warmth can make me love again..?

Until then, I guess I'll just carry on my Yu-Gi-Oh and have fun with the new group of friends that I know.