Life Path again?

The more I delve deeper into the world of the mystics, the more unsure I become. I am starting to see that my knowledge is little, as compared to what others know.

Tarot - I know not of what each card means, neither do I know any spreads, yet I am able to read with a level of accuracy. I do not research into the history of the cards, the creators of the cards as well as the reason why people use tarot for divination.

Energy - I know not of how to really manipulate energy to a higher level than that of human. I do not meditate, nor do I practice Qi-gong to strengthen my energy, yet I am able to conjure energy and help to improve base energy of others.

Crystals - I don't do extensive research into this department, but I know that it does affect humans because of various properties. I am able to sense energies that come out of crystals, but am not able to meditate upon it to go into the crystalline world...

Meditation - I don't meditate. Because I can't sit still. Yet I know if I do meditate, I am able to reach another level in spiritual sense as well as energy sense.

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sigh... look at my "credentials".... doesn't seem like I am able to be a good tarot reader rite? I'm still considering my life path for being a full-fledged tarot reader..... If I were to go full-fledged, I'll get my last and final deck (to which both my decks agreed for me to obtain).

Yet to be full-fledged, does it mean I have to become knowledgeable in tarot? Do I have to gain more knowledge of the cards? Will I lose my intuition if I start to be knowledgeable about the cards?

I'm worried, yes I am... that's why I'm still thinking... and waiting for a sign....

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On another note, Miumiu and I seem to be getting along fine.... just that I think we both have some issues not yet settled.....

I know myself, my heart is still pretty much chained and locked (majority of it....) but it still can ooze out the feelings for Miumiu.... she's changing me in a way and I'm trying my best to do what I can for her....

I know things that I do may be simple, and that my "ability" seems to spoil things a little.... but I do hope that she knows this ---> I'm here for you....

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Work.... today... is..... zzzzzzz

My colleague is not around today, IPPT, so today I handled the whole purchasing department..... and to make matters worse, I ended up being late because of this....

I walk to bus pickup point... and I see the bus zip past and turn into the expressway.....

ultimate siansation....

So I took the long way around via MRT and bus, arrived 20mins late, was greeted by my department supervisor/manager..... to which wasn't very good already...

Then somewhere in the afternoon, this vendor came around and started to talk to me about his product, and I was there, new and unsure, just listen to what he had to say.... talk so much, about 1 hr plus gone just sitting there chatting.....

end up, because I'm not able to make decision, so had to make him go back all the way again....

worse still, no namecard to give him.... stress.......

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More about Tarot....

Went to meet Belinda (Shawn's Sis) and she was saying Shawn was able to feel his sister's tarot deck's energy (Archeon Tarot), but when I held it, it didn't seem any different, just that it had a warm and old energy about it.....

Then I gave two readings for her, with both my decks... she's impressed with my readings....

haha.... I wonder.....

*confidence wavering.....*